It’s been a good day. Not perfect because you weren’t here. But a good day, Christmas fun, food, love and laughter.
We watched the movie, not for the first time, full of ‘Love Actually’, and we cried, laughed, but in our heads we all thought about our loves, the ones that matter, the ones we need the most.
Before I fell into my bed happy but exhausted I washed my face and took a long hard look in the mirror. A reflection I barely recognize. In my heart, in my mind, I’m still that young woman with choices, still with time.
I see a flash of silver in my messy, damp hair. This time I regard it almost fondly, like I’m seeing into the future, my future as if it isn’t happening right now. But it is now, it is me, this is my face with the new lines appearing daily, the silver multiplying every time I look, telling me life is different now, life is changing, whilst I was busy living, life has been slipping by and time has been passing. There is no longer time to waste, love to lose and memories to miss.
I see her, me, she smiles not in bitterness but with reflection of memories we have shared.
They tell you when you are young that life passes you by, so fast. Of course, you are young and do not believe them that’s the joy of youth.
I didn’t believe it either, yet here we are. Mourning for those lost. Missing the children that are grown and have outgrown you, already sad for those that are getting ready to leave and wondering if this is the life that you were meant to live.
Love, hurt, children, joy, tears, memories, mistakes, doubts and reflections.
The sum of us. The sum of whom we are supposed to be.
I look at those silver hairs, perhaps I will hide them tomorrow but I know they are there, them, these words, well, they are the sum of me.
Life post
