Love letters

Love letters

Just before I travel, especially when alone, I get a bit anxious. Scratch that, very anxious, I curl up like a little ball inside myself and I worry like crazy. People are always surprised to hear that from me, I give off this air of confidence whilst inside I’m churning away, painfully! This trip is a long one.  Probably the longest I have ever left my youngest two kids.  My oldest and I now being accustomed to separation, he lives and works the other side of the world to me.  I say accustomed, but I will never be used to his being so far away and I still get that gut punch feeling every time I think about the distance or how much I miss him. So, why am I rambling this time? Nerves are one thing, we all hate leaving our children.  Flying makes me a little uncomfortable.  I shove the fear far down and try to pretend I am cool with it. My fears are bigger now, the world is a scarier place.  Walking the streets in major cities, going to a concert and just doing ordinary, everyday things can mean real danger.  We can’t protect ourselves from it, we can’t see it coming and its right on most of our doorsteps. I want to leave some words for my children. Y’know in case I don’t get to say it in person.  I constantly tell them I love them, am proud of them but if they ever needed to just read those words, however old they are in years to come, here they are. This isn’t supposed...
Will I ever love myself?

Will I ever love myself?

I’m talking about weight, body shape the dreaded fat! I don’t want to, I know its dull, but the conversation always ends up there, will we ever learn to just let it go and love ourselves as we are?Two good friends came over for lunch today and inevitably we talk about body shape.  Not in a ‘shaming’ way, we are not malicious types just in a ‘she is this’ and ‘she is that’ and wondering why, how, what is best? We talk about it because we are looking for the secret, how’d she got there, would that work for me.  We all know the answer, it’s what you eat and how much you move and a big dollop of the genes you were born with. You notice it is all ‘She’ and not he, men care, they really do, but not nearly as much as we care, I’m sure your man walks around the bedroom naked and doesn’t give a hoot what you are thinking about his arse! I’m not overweight on paper, I have a healthy and good BMI.  In fact, I am very healthy, something I’m so thankful for and I mentally slap myself in the face every time I look in the mirror or step on the scales and just see imperfection.  I’m not looking to just drop a few pounds I wanna see Heidi Klum’s butt in the mirror reflecting back when I look at mine. You see? It’s insane isn’t it?  We have ourselves set up against these stunning ideals of how we should be. I don’t blame the magazines, I work in the beauty industry.  In...
Love and Let Live

Love and Let Live

My very recent trip to the UK, albeit fleeting, was a bit of an awakener for me. Quite quickly into the trip I realized who my real friends are, who is genuine & who I should probably leave quite happily to their own life whilst I walk forward into mine. Traveling back on the plane, a nine hour trip, I started to reflect.  We all felt as a family that we had made the right move coming to the USA.  We miss people for sure, that’ll never change but we love our life here. It seems though that our life here is resented by a few. I paint a rosy picture, I am sure, but hey, its real.  No smoke and mirrors for us.  We do have sunshine, great friends, a good life and we worked hard to get it. This post however isn’t about that.  It’s about people and caring what they think of you. I care, far too much and as a result I often get hurt by things people say and do and just how they behave around me.  Women are particularly great in sending out the ‘dislike’ vibe. I just love the ‘look up and down’ when you walk in a room. With all this on my mind and being the caring type I of course start to analyze myself and what’s a day without beating yourself up a few times hey? With my thoughts on the subject of peoples opinions it was interesting to be watching the HBO TV Drama ‘Big Little Lies’ on the plane..I binge watched the entire series.  Loved it. Do make the time to see it. Without...
This new life in the USA

This new life in the USA

I never wanted to be a photographer   It wasn’t a life ambition, not the career I dreamed of at school.  Back in those days I dreamed of being happy, not getting such a hard time, perhaps living a life which had smiles in it.  In fact the only career aspiration I had was to be the next ‘Kate Adie,‘ if you are too young to know who she is feel free to log off now!  Or perhaps a Hollywood actress, there’s still time I might give it a try. Spin back the clock for almost a decade & I started on this path to be a photographer.  I’d already been in Sales & Marketing, having left school and home by 16 I needed a job not a career but had been pretty good at it.  Trained as a florist, started an events company and produced three children..plus a few other sidelines in between..a true ‘female’ Del Boy.  A ‘Jack of All Trades’, & Master of none?  But actually, maybe, I disagree, I mastered the art of moving in the direction that life took me, seeing an opportunity, recognising the skills needed and putting myself out there. Taking pictures came from nowhere..I love advertising and the imagery, posed myself on the odd occasion but held photographers in high regard and didn’t believe that I could be one..with three young children I needed to sell my demanding events & floristry business and found myself needing something more to do. I took myself off to college to study photography, I was 33 years old. A decade ago. Did I become a Master of this one thing?  My photography...

Day Eleven: 50 Portraits 50 Days 50mm lens No pre planning, no fixed poses, just people doing their thing..so on the most part they will be strangers, so courage required too! Well I got in early today! Found me a lovely young lady (cough)!Lisa, a friend of mine, (not any more after this probably), when I sprung upon her the idea that she would be my portrait of the day..because today is her birthday! It is a tradition amongst us that we meet up for coffee and breakfast at our local haunt, I won’t give them any free advertising cause I spend too much money in there already.Lisa actually is no stranger to the camera and featured in a campaign of mine a few years ago when I first started out, the campaign appeared at The Brick Lane Gallery for two weeks with Lisa’s lovely derriere being a fabulous feature wink emoticon Peachy.Lisa is Mum to Luke & Toby and wife to Matt. She is training in Fitness and will be kicking peoples butt into touch soon when she qualifies as as a personal training instructor. Lisa walks everywhere, spends her life in the gym and eats loads of cake and there isn’t an ounce of fat on her…yes I know you are all wondering why I’m friends with her?Lisa may put all the rest of us to shame but she is a funny, lovely lady who can knock back a JagerBomb or two and I’m very happy to call her my friend. Oh and Lisa….Roll On Vegas Baby!...
Day 10 50/50/50 UK 2011 Nick

Day 10 50/50/50 UK 2011 Nick

Day Ten: 50 Portraits 50 Days 50mm lens No pre planning, no fixed poses, just people doing their thing..so on the most part they will be strangers, so courage required too! Today I wanted to get a lady…..easy tiger! I mean try and find a female subject. I drove to a couple of salons all busy and because it keeps raining I didn’t want someone to stop for me and get wet..So I went to the pub…no not for a drink but to photograph a nice lady bar person, no lady but I got Nick the owner, I will try to get a lady tomorrow! Nick has owned The Surrey Cricketers for seven years a nice village pub in Windlesham. He has a wife, Meral and a daughter Zara, and very soon baby number two, who’s dues in November.Nick has served a few famous faces whilst at The Cricks, notoriously Russell Crowe whilst he lived in the village as he was filming Robin Hood, the big hair duo Brian May and his Wife Anita Dobson who live nearby and recently Alex Reid…although don’t tell anyone that, he doesn’t want to put people off the place.Nick also manages his own property portfolio and fancies himself a bit of a farmer with his 8 Chickens, 5 Ducks, 3 dogs and 3 fish!Born in Hampshire, Whitchurch he says he has never done anything major or adventurous but I’m sure thats not true, I’ll go back and find out from his regulars one Friday night what he really gets up to!If you ever visit buy him a drink..a large Pinot Grigio...