I found the local library today in Windermere. Like the rest of the town, it was charming and pleasant. Wonderful on a sunny, mild day like today to sit and read on the wraparound verandah in one of the many rocking chairs.
I walked in to an almost empty building..not what I wanted. With only an hour to find someone, introduce myself and get to talking I was desperately hoping I’d find someone quickly.
Kurt was looking through the audio books, I was nervous to approach him. I’ll let you into a little secret, I can absolutely tell when someone will be easy and when someone will be more difficult, on occasion I try to avoid the difficult. It’s not that he didn’t look lovely enough, I just knew he would be sceptical and wary, it’s in the body language, crying out ‘please, don’t talk to me’. If you have ever sat on the London underground, you know that demeanour. But it was him that I knew I had to speak to.
After a little exchange, a show of my credentials and a promise we would stop if he wanted to, we sat down to talk.
Name: Kurt
Occupation: Retired City Government, Asset Management.
1.Where were you born and raised?
Lancaster, Ohio.
Quite a rural environment but close to the ‘bigger and more sophisticated Columbus’..his words.
2. Tell me a childhood memory.
Kurt told me a wonderful story, not all quite pleasant but quite a story!
Kurt was the youngest of 4 boys, by a significant gap. He recalled a time when he decided to ‘skip’ school and go visit the Circus that was in town.
It got late and he knew that he’d be in trouble with his parents by this point, he said he hung out in the park as he was afraid to go home. He was probably 10 or 11 years old. They eventually found him as they were driving around looking for him, took him home but said they’d speak to him later as they needed to be somewhere else that evening.
Kurt’s bigger brothers decided that it would be appropriate for them to dole out the punishment before his parents got home.
First of all Kurt told me about his brothers.
‘They all grew up as a little unit of three, when Mom bought a little sailor suit for one, they all had a sailor suit, or an army suit, a cowboy suit..3, 3 , 3 in all the pictures they were dressed as 3..then I came along and all I got was the hand me downs. But they were very good to me and protective of me but they also wanted to get involved with my discipline when they felt necessary.’
‘So, I was hanging out at the park after the Circus incident and so forth, Mom and Dad came driving around so they took me on home and said we will talk to you later, they had to leave. My brothers decided they would step in and dole out some punishment. My oldest brother didn’t agree but the younger thought they should, so they proceeded to be fighting over this fact, so one of them had my arms and one of them had my legs and they were pulling and deciding what they were going to do. So the one that did want to teach me a lesson, whatever, he decided he would invert me and dunk me into the toilet.’
Some part of me found humour in this story, boys being boys, then I thought about my own little boy, the same age of Kurt at the time and I imagine how traumatic it would have been. This was abusive and would have been so frightening for him. It was his first memory of childhood when asked, so its left its mark.
3. What is your favourite season and why.
‘Originally, it would always be Summer. Because I like to do things in the water so much, where we lived Winters were cold and snowy and summers you could go boating, swimming..Now, I guess I like Spring, because its not so hot and we take the boat out.’
4. Tell me about someone you love.
‘Someone I love? Well, this is gonna be tough, because that’s my wife, who has just passed. She passed in November. I, it’s a tough one..Margaret…we had a, ..well she was..beautiful, she was smart, she could do anything, she was very accomplished in so many things. When we had a memorial service I said a few words….not much but the one thing I said was..’When ever we would go someplace together, she would never realise it but I could see that she was the most beautiful person in the room and I always knew that I was the luckiest person because I was there with her.’
Those words didn’t come easily because he is hurting so much but they were so sincere, you could tell that Kurt meant that with all his heart.
Kurt has a beautiful daughter Courtney, a young woman who helped take care of her mother, out of love but also because she is a dietician who specialises in oncology. I can only imagine the length she went to in order to try and help her mother recover from this spiteful disease.
‘Courtney and Margaret were about as close as any two people could be, if you saw one, you saw the other.’
Margaret fought breast Cancer for over 15 years.
5. What words of wisdom do you have for the reader about life.
‘It won’t be anything unique or out of the ordinary, but try to enjoy it now because it can end in a moment.’
6. Dreams for the future?
‘Primarily, one is for Courtney to be happy and to get into a life that his hers not somebody else’s, and for my own self I wanna be around to see that and I’d like to do some travelling, like Margaret and I would often like to do’
Kurt was a quiet, lovely man. Private and intelligent. In love with Margaret his wife and an adoring Father of his daughter Courtney. I’m so glad I found the courage to approach him, I am honoured that he trusted me enough to share his story, I know it must have been so difficult. The loss of Margaret so very recent.
When I look at a man of Kurt’s age so recently widowed I feel so sad for him. Women of his age lose their husbands too but often have friends to talk too, emotional support, someone to hug. A grown man isn’t allowed to cry, support comes as a pat on the back, an offer of a drink and the viewing of a ball game. Kurt needs emotional support so he can have the strength to be there for his daughter…who’s supporting him. I am sure they will be there for one another and they will share their stories of love and special memories and pictures of Margaret together.
This story just reinforces to me the tragedy of being human, loving people and having them taken away often so prematurely.
If you know someone who has lost someone..make time for them. Its hard to reach out to someone who is grieving but it is harder for them to grieve alone.
Thank you Kurt for talking to me, I think you are very special and Margaret was a lucky lady to have been loved by you.
