In a market with hundreds of people, all interesting, multi cultural, from all walks of life it was just her that caught my attention. I walked around the market twice as she was busy with customers and when I came back and spoke to her it was like she was expecting me.
Her welcome and immediate burst into story caught me off card and I felt very emotional all of a sudden. This has happened a few times during the project and still surprises me. I am an emotional person but I don’t spend my days seeking out ‘spiritual’ connections, although this is what it feels like.
Jenny is all emotion, teetering on the edge. She is pained and I can feel it, its etched out on her face and in her hands and if I didn’t have a cold I would have reached out to hug her. There is a young boy with her and he is pestering as children do, her Godson she tells me, she asks him to go play as she really wants to talk, I feel a little uncomfortable, she is busy and he wants her attention but I am committed and she is determined.
When the young man is settled we sit down to talk, occasionally interrupted by a customer to her market stall. She makes and sells aprons, hand finished in charming designs.
Penny reminds me of my Mum. There have been moments of happiness, occasional good times but ultimately life has been difficult, a struggle and it has clouded everything good with the faint bitterness of disappointment, waiting for the bad times to come round again.
Name: Jenny
Occupation: Retired Delta Flight Attendant of 28 Years.
Penny also enjoys Film Photography and did her own documentary of Barber shops of Florida
1.Where were you born and raised?
Texas, Jacksonville. raised in Waco Texas.
‘I was raised by my Mother & I had a Black Nanny who would keep us ’cause my Mother worked and her name was Lucille. My Mother was very proactive of us being active, we went to day camp and summer camp and I learnt how to twirl and swim.’
‘Lucille was like, us three, we were like her other three children. I remember her having this washing machine, the wringer washer and I remember helping one of her daughters put the washing throughout the wringer. She had chickens, she had fresh eggs. she was a very special lady.’
2.Tell me a childhood memory.
‘My mother made me a dress. She had made me this pink velvet dress cause I wanted julienne sleeves with this wide collar, cause I wanted to feel like a Princess, I think it was for Easter.’
‘My Mum was very practical. I had everything I needed and got what I wanted sometimes.’
3.What is your favourite season and why?
‘My favourite season is the fall. I travelled all over the world, my first experience in New England was in the fall. Theres something, not only in New England, its the colour it comes alive. It’s, rich and grounded, is creative. Its touchable.’
4.Tell me about someone you love.
‘The first person I think of is the love of my life who I met in 1985. He was a pilot for Delta and I fell in love with him, he showed me the world. He was one man that loved me unconditionally and showed me love by being who he was. I remember him surprising me with roses. The first time he ever kissed me was in a hotel room and it was after a long swim. He said no hanky panky but everyone needs a massage, I didn’t feel intimidated by that or threatened. I had my clothes on and he gave me a massage. He said do you mind if I pull up and chair and just watch you until you fall asleep. And I said sure. He pulled up a chair and leaned over and gave me a kiss on the cheek. It was the beginning of a love affair. He took me flying around the world, literally. Doug was a Vietnam Veteran, he flew F4’s in the Navy. He was killed in 1999, he was doing some testing for the Navy and his aeroplane came apart.’
5.What words of wisdom do you have for the readers about life?
‘Gandi said. Be the change you want to see in the world. Be something.’
6.Dreams for the future.
‘To continue to evolve and be someone, and not what I am doing.’
Penny and I spoke for a long time. She had much to say about life, love, feelings and peoples perception of her.
The conversation was deep and at times hard to understand, I feel like Penny is reaching out and tying to find answers to all of lifes questions but left wanting. Still in love with Douglas but left alone without him, her pained existence has isolated her from many as they struggle to understand or comprehend what she says and how she feels.
Penny is religious but also talked about psychics and spiritualism. The two are contradictory to me. And I am not sure if trying to communicate with those past is ever helpful.
I am a thinker too but also live very much in the present and try very hard not to dwell on things in the past. It has gone and sadly nothing can be done about it. What is in front of us is where we should spend our time and attention. Building bridges with loved ones and making our lives as rich and fulfilling as they can be.
Penny for me is still trapped in her past, trying to make sense of it. Not yet healed from loss or over the pain she has suffered. I have witnessed this before and I feel sad for her because life passes you by so fast when you are looking the wrong way and you can miss all the beauty and love that are surrounding you here and now.
