In the words of the very funny & very wise Jim Carrey, please ‘Somebody Stop Me!’
I’ve been a bit of a moaning Minnie lately, forever busy, not enough time, editing all hours… it’s all entirely my own fault and I am very aware I’ve no right to complain and I am also aware I’m not alone.
I’m surrounded by inspirational people, of whom the vast majority women, are taking on so much, that we are losing ourselves in the process.
My purpose in life is to please. To keep everyone happy, I’m a go with the flow, see what you need before you even know, fix before it’s broken and hug before you even get to cry, kind of girl. I tip toe around peoples emotions looking for signs of sadness, distress, anger or happiness so I am ready and waiting to react, save or assist where needed.
Before you call a shrink, I know why I’m like it, that’s a whole other blog post and one I am ok with, I don’t need to fix me.
What I do need to fix is my mindset, just because I can, doesn’t mean that I should. When you have my personality you can’t help but say ‘Yeah’ I can do that for you, bring it..and people are all too happy to let you.
‘What am I trying to prove?”
I do it over and over again and then dare to moan about it.
Here’s the issue with all this, I’m not doing the things I really want to do!
So, ‘What do you want to do?’
You may very well ask… I’ve no friggin idea because I don’t have time to think about it!
We are all running around in this race called life. There is so much to experience, taste, touch and in this world where no-one is a stranger, share.
For the first time in my life I am pretty quiet inside. Hopefully, that shows some sign of contentment and I have every reason to be content. I just don’t want to wake up and realize I have spent a decade trying to do it all and have done nothing, nothing that means something to me.
All these words! I write it to make sense of it… I get the urge to sit in front of my laptop and not make pretty pictures but just say all the things that are whirring in my head. To share them is just a release, feel free to not take any notice.
So, what is the point of my rambling now? I’m not on a plane, for once, I have a coffee by my side, no gin or wine, why the words?
I need your help, help me to ‘Just say no!” I can’t do that for you right now. Every fibre in my body wants to put you first, before me and my family and all the other things that stop me from taking that day by the beach, reading a book, teaching myself new things & sleep…I definitely need more sleep!
Do you see yourself in this? I bet you do, I could write a list of the people who are just like me.
Writing is something I want to explore and it takes time, right now I should be doing a whole list of other things but I needed this moment and yes, I do feel guilty about it!
It’s only December, a bit early for New Years resolutions but I have mine.
- Just say no! (sorry, I’m a good person really and want to say yes but I can’t because……) This is whats happening in my head.
- Spend more time watching, watching my family, sunsets, oceans, art, movies…all the good stuff.
- Unplug my laptop. I love you, I do but I need to start seeing other people, I need space. It’s not over but you are suffocating me.
- Write that Sh*t down! There are words in me that need to be written, before I’m dead. 😏
- Learn a language
- Bake stuff
- Eat stuff..(OK, I already eat too much stuff)
- Spend more time with the special people
- Get facials (I’m so old!!)
- Stop writing lists and just go do it
There is so much more to add to this list, whats on yours?
I’ve had my ‘me’ time today. Time to get back to my list… the plan is to clear it and then not write another, no more lists, or ‘to do’s’ I just want to wake up and be spontaneous… or do nothing. Take a lie in.. have a Netflix day.
Sounds delicious & I’m lucky I have the choice, I just need to choose it.