My very recent trip to the UK, albeit fleeting, was a bit of an awakener for me.
Quite quickly into the trip I realized who my real friends are, who is genuine & who I should probably leave quite happily to their own life whilst I walk forward into mine.
Traveling back on the plane, a nine hour trip, I started to reflect. We all felt as a family that we had made the right move coming to the USA. We miss people for sure, that’ll never change but we love our life here.
It seems though that our life here is resented by a few.
I paint a rosy picture, I am sure, but hey, its real. No smoke and mirrors for us. We do have sunshine, great friends, a good life and we worked hard to get it.
This post however isn’t about that. It’s about people and caring what they think of you.
I care, far too much and as a result I often get hurt by things people say and do and just how they behave around me. Women are particularly great in sending out the ‘dislike’ vibe. I just love the ‘look up and down’ when you walk in a room.
With all this on my mind and being the caring type I of course start to analyze myself and what’s a day without beating yourself up a few times hey?
With my thoughts on the subject of peoples opinions it was interesting to be watching the HBO TV Drama ‘Big Little Lies’ on the plane..I binge watched the entire series. Loved it. Do make the time to see it.
Without any spoilers, it followed the lives of a few friends. Most of them quite wealthy, caring greatly what the others think, giving off a false perception of the perfection in their lives.
Behind closed doors their realities being entirely different.
During every episode, acquaintances of the main characters were being interviewed and that’s where the personality annilation begins. On the whole, perceptions were born out of jealousy, ignorance and basically hypocrisy, lets face it we all have our issues right? But it made me realize that people can be pretty unforgiving and in their judgement of others quite blind to their own failings.
Marie Claire magazine also had an intriguing article in the July edition titled ‘What do people really think of you?” Secrets of true self awareness.
Well, of course I went straight to that. Because I do care too much what people think! How awful must I really be?
Along with being too fat, too old, not cool enough, or successful enough. I talk too much, I’m too opinionated, over generous, probably a people pleaser..scratch that..definitely a people pleaser..I could go on. My list of faults are long and make difficult reading. I have spent a whole lifetime beating myself up and there have been plenty of others who have enjoyed throwing punches.
The article had some tips to help you identify how you can be more self aware and perhaps you should enlist some friends to tell you how awful you really are. Get them to write a list and highlight what elements of your personality get on their goat so you can do something about them.
I started to think about who I would ask.
Certainly not my husband, too long a list. A couple of trusty friends came to mind, do I really have the courage to ask them to be honest with me?
But then an epiphany! So please don’t bother sending me the list. No volunteers required.
You see I already know what my faults are and I am unkind, quite brutal, basically abusive to myself on a daily basis in the search of ‘perfection’. Something none of us will ever attain.
I don’t need you to judge me, I already judge myself. You don’t need to feel obliged to talk to me, even if we are related by marriage, I have plenty of real family that love me for who I am. We don’t have to be friends, my greatest friends may only be few but they are the best and I find it hard to see their faults because I love them for who they are and if they see mine, well that’s ok because they love me anyway.
Every day I will try to be a better person, better Mother, Wife, Friend…I often fail. But I have a big heart, an open mind and I wear a smile more than a frown. What more is there?
The reason for my post? Go easy on yourself, you know who the important people are, don’t worry about the rest.
If you are someone who finds themselves to be judging, irritated, resentful. That’s a shame, you are missing all the good stuff.
Perhaps you should ask a good friend to write you a list? Or better still just remember this, we are all human, imperfect and failing miserably. That’s life, though some of us are just enjoying the ride a little more than you.
Just Love & Let Live.